I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
