im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
