I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize