Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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