found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize