I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
