I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love having hate sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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