Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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