You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
