help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
