Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even my vagina gasped.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
