Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
