That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
