We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
