I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize