does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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