took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
