glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
