It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
