dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
