I met the friendliest cop last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
