He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
