In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
