what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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