So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
