New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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