the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
