I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
