Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
