my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
