maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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