You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
