sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
