Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
