tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
