let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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