we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
