she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
