and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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