All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize