I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
