I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
