forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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