Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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