College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
