thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
