So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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