so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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