so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
