I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
