so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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