Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
