I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
