3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
