I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
