I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
