Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
