i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
