Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
