I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
