swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
