and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
