...so i touched it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
