Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found puke in my bra..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
