I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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