I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
