So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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