If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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