I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
