Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
