I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
