people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
