I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
