Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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