covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
