you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
