help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
