No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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