He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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