i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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