Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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