Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
