If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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