I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
