Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
