There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize