there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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