Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
