Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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